My love,
I poured into you all that I have of me so much that a whole person in me died with your betrayal. They say you can love like that only once. It’s true. But the grief is not so much of the person I lost or you lost. It is of the love that could have shown you and me a whole different world. A whole different life that will now never exist.
Here is what you will perhaps never be able to come to terms with. All that I had for you, died with the version of me that existed with you. All that is left is the memories. The memories that we hold on to so tightly that we refuse to loosen our claws and let it all slip away.
I will always still say that I love you, but I will always know that it’s not true. The love that I had for you did not compare you with anything or anyone. Now all you have become for me is a lesson I learnt the hard way. A point of reference for comparison for everything else that came in my life after you. And I will always know one thing. What I have is so much more better than what I could ever have with you. Yet, trying to accept the fact that I still would have wished that you never left. Because the version of me that died with your betrayal was my most favorite version of me. Oh I would have never wanted to lose it!
You did not make me what I was, my love for you did. I did not love you because you were the best or most desired. You were the only desire for me because I loved you.
And now, I know, stuck somewhere in the continuum of time and space, even if you are the one I love the most in this world, I will never want to have you back in my life. Our hearts might have remain stuck in that space time, carving deeper into our souls the same memories repeatedly. So much so that we remember each other even after we die and come back to live and wander around this world again; The life has really moved on.
Nothing makes as much sense as it would have if I never lost the future that never happened. But even the past with you doesn’t make any sense anymore. All the sense I can make from it, is that it was all a lie. Because it is only lies and illusions that fade away, disintegrate and die. What remains and prevails is the truth.
And the truth is, I don’t love you anymore. I just remember dearly the memories of loving you.
The one who will never be yours anymore,
Good bye!
